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_Cletus #1 Posted 23 May 2019 - 02:01 PM

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I have to go to an event for my wife's work this evening.  Last night she tells me "It's an open bar.  Don't say anything to embarrass me."  

 

Think about that for a minute.  It's like giving a man dying of thirst a bucket of water but only allowing him to wash with it.  It's like saying "promise me you'll never die."  "Hey here's some pork ribs.  Only eat the bones."

 

Redhead logic.....


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little_brother_of_war #2 Posted 23 May 2019 - 03:14 PM

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Lol...we need a meme of the guy saying “Stay thirsty, my friend.” :teethhappy:

I_Maverick_I #3 Posted 23 May 2019 - 03:24 PM

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LOL

 

So you won’t be describing to her co-workers the proper ceremonial technicals to offering animal sacrifices? 


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_Cletus #4 Posted 23 May 2019 - 03:55 PM

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View Post_Ntwadumela, on 23 May 2019 - 09:24 AM, said:

LOL

 

So you won’t be describing to her co-workers the proper ceremonial technicals to offering animal sacrifices? 

 

If we start talking about Blitz I will.  Otherwise, I plan to limit my discussions to things like the time my wife got drunk and while we were driving home she pulled out the gun I keep in the car and started playing with it [it didn't go off or anything, it was just scary when I realized what she was doing].  Or the fact that when we were dating in our 20's she got banned from a popular Houston nightspot for dancing on the bar.  Or the time we went to a strip club for a bachelor party and we got kicked out because the lap dances she was giving me went too far [she didn't work there, she just got caught up in the atmosphere of the place].

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boris55555 #5 Posted 23 May 2019 - 04:27 PM

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View Post_Cletus, on 23 May 2019 - 10:55 AM, said:

 

If we start talking about Blitz I will.  Otherwise, I plan to limit my discussions to things like the time my wife got drunk and while we were driving home she pulled out the gun I keep in the car and started playing with it [it didn't go off or anything, it was just scary when I realized what she was doing].  Or the fact that when we were dating in our 20's she got banned from a popular Houston nightspot for dancing on the bar.  Or the time we went to a strip club for a bachelor party and we got kicked out because the lap dances she was giving me went too far [she didn't work there, she just got caught up in the atmosphere of the place].

 

redheads
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FussyRude #6 Posted 23 May 2019 - 04:29 PM

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Lolololololol
#LoveLuchs

shyw #7 Posted 23 May 2019 - 04:42 PM

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Y’all tooooo funny...!!!

4sfield #8 Posted 23 May 2019 - 05:47 PM

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  It’ll be fine. You got this, just do what I did. You’re married and have children, she isn’t going anywhere. 

 

  Here’s my story...Been thee, done that with a redhead. Hers was at a swanky Country Club and it was her 1st time, I had seen a lot fancier places but she never gave me credit for it. 

 

  I had to listen to her nag about it for a week and tell me what I was going to wear and what I could and couldn’t do. I was like, “Yeah you go ahead and talk, I’m not listening. I know how to act and I’m going to enjoy myself regardless of what you think I should do.” It went great, I got to hang out with a bunch of cats I didn’t know and drank beer for 4 hrs. The only part that sucked was her trying to introduce me to people I didn’t give a [edited] about. “Dr. Fancypants, this my fiancé Redneck Hilljack”, “Blah, Blah, Blah”. I finally ran into a couple of guys I knew from playing golf, Doc Jamison and a lawyer from a couple of towns over. We sat at the bar and had blast, while our wives/girlfriends kissed babies and [edited]. Guys gravitated to us and we had the bar packed after about an hour. We told funny stories, made fun of each other and listened to stories from others. 

 

  We argued all the way home and I wanted to jump out of the car. Why did she even bother to take me if I was only going to make her mad? She knew what I was long before she booked us for that lame [edited] event. I found “Classy” doctor type people to hang with that were just fine with the way I acted. WTH was the issue? 

 

  I’ll tell you what it was, she wants to put on airs. Idgaf about what anyone thinks of me and she does.(Even though she’s as much hillbilly as me) The guys I found to hang with are the same as me. They might hold influential titles and rub elbows with the fakes that she’s trying to impress but they care about as much for those people as I do.

 

  I think she was mad because I had fun and I think it [edited] her off that I run into people I know everywhere we go and she doesn’t. She got an award, and I got to have fun. I was proud of her and told her that before we even went. wthdid I do that was so wrong? 

 

  I was never allowed to have more fun than her, that’s what started the beginning of the end. I’m glad she’s gone and The guy that has her now deserves a medal. I leaned my lesson, no more redheads.


 

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_Cletus #9 Posted 23 May 2019 - 06:27 PM

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It takes a special breed of man to maintain a redhead.  One has to be firm, patient, consistent, resilient, and have eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, you have to have qualities that countermand their psycho-ness.  

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ARandomGenieGuy #10 Posted 23 May 2019 - 07:26 PM

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View Post_Cletus, on 23 May 2019 - 09:55 AM, said:

 

If we start talking about Blitz I will.  Otherwise, I plan to limit my discussions to things like the time my wife got drunk and while we were driving home she pulled out the gun I keep in the car and started playing with it [it didn't go off or anything, it was just scary when I realized what she was doing].  Or the fact that when we were dating in our 20's she got banned from a popular Houston nightspot for dancing on the bar.  Or the time we went to a strip club for a bachelor party and we got kicked out because the lap dances she was giving me went too far [she didn't work there, she just got caught up in the atmosphere of the place].

I’m a sucker for redheads. Guess I’ll be on a wild ride... Funny stories tho, publish a book called “Living with a redhead”. And they say gingers lack a soul lol.

View Post4sfield, on 23 May 2019 - 11:47 AM, said:

  It’ll be fine. You got this, just do what I did. You’re married and have children, she isn’t going anywhere. 

 

  Here’s my story...Been thee, done that with a redhead. Hers was at a swanky Country Club and it was her 1st time, I had seen a lot fancier places but she never gave me credit for it. 

 

  I had to listen to her nag about it for a week and tell me what I was going to wear and what I could and couldn’t do. I was like, “Yeah you go ahead and talk, I’m not listening. I know how to act and I’m going to enjoy myself regardless of what you think I should do.” It went great, I got to hang out with a bunch of cats I didn’t know and drank beer for 4 hrs. The only part that sucked was her trying to introduce me to people I didn’t give a [edited] about. “Dr. Fancypants, this my fiancé Redneck Hilljack”, “Blah, Blah, Blah”. I finally ran into a couple of guys I knew from playing golf, Doc Jamison and a lawyer from a couple of towns over. We sat at the bar and had blast, while our wives/girlfriends kissed babies and [edited]. Guys gravitated to us and we had the bar packed after about an hour. We told funny stories, made fun of each other and listened to stories from others. 

 

  We argued all the way home and I wanted to jump out of the car. Why did she even bother to take me if I was only going to make her mad? She knew what I was long before she booked us for that lame [edited] event. I found “Classy” doctor type people to hang with that were just fine with the way I acted. WTH was the issue? 

 

  I’ll tell you what it was, she wants to put on airs. Idgaf about what anyone thinks of me and she does.(Even though she’s as much hillbilly as me) The guys I found to hang with are the same as me. They might hold influential titles and rub elbows with the fakes that she’s trying to impress but they care about as much for those people as I do.

 

  I think she was mad because I had fun and I think it [edited] her off that I run into people I know everywhere we go and she doesn’t. She got an award, and I got to have fun. I was proud of her and told her that before we even went. wthdid I do that was so wrong? 

 

  I was never allowed to have more fun than her, that’s what started the beginning of the end. I’m glad she’s gone and The guy that has her now deserves a medal. I leaned my lesson, no more redheads.

That’s great man, enjoy yourself. Never let a female limit your fun. That’s cool about us guys, we can meet a complete stranger and befriend em and drink like there’s no tomorrow in just a couple of hours from meeting them lol. I guess she was jealous of the newfound camaraderie.



crpl_hicks #11 Posted 23 May 2019 - 09:05 PM

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View Post_Cletus, on 23 May 2019 - 07:01 AM, said:

I have to go to an event for my wife's work this evening.  Last night she tells me "It's an open bar.  Don't say anything to embarrass me."  

 

Think about that for a minute.  It's like giving a man dying of thirst a bucket of water but only allowing him to wash with it.  It's like saying "promise me you'll never die."  "Hey here's some pork ribs.  Only eat the bones."

 

Redhead logic.....

 

Okay....Are the two comments seperate?  1) She said Hey it's an Open Bar  2) BTW keep your mouth shut this evening

 

Or is she saying Keep your DRUCK [edited] mouth shut, because it's an open bar & it's a given you WILL BE DRUNK which = No brain filter

 

Or...or...Is she asking you not to make a scene because it's an Open bar...like going around to people saying "Hey buddy, did you know it's an open bar??  Drink up!  hey everyone...drinks on me!"  "Just let me fill up my 1 gallon Flask"  That kind of embarassment?

 

Either way...sounds like a long night?  Perhaps you should get her Drunk??


 

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_Cletus #12 Posted 23 May 2019 - 09:12 PM

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View Postcrpl_hicks, on 23 May 2019 - 03:05 PM, said:

 

Okay....Are the two comments seperate?  1) She said Hey it's an Open Bar  2) BTW keep your mouth shut this evening

 

Or is she saying Keep your DRUCK [edited] mouth shut, because it's an open bar & it's a given you WILL BE DRUNK which = No brain filter

 

Or...or...Is she asking you not to make a scene because it's an Open bar...like going around to people saying "Hey buddy, did you know it's an open bar??  Drink up!  hey everyone...drinks on me!"  "Just let me fill up my 1 gallon Flask"  That kind of embarassment?

 

Either way...sounds like a long night?  Perhaps you should get her Drunk??

 

The correct answer is D:  All of the above.

 

New wrinkle, my kids are going to stay with my oldest daughter tonight.  So we're going drinking and then we'll have the house to ourselves.  I'm gonna make it weird!  And then call in sick to work tomorrow!


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Blartch #13 Posted 23 May 2019 - 09:37 PM

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acrisis #14 Posted 23 May 2019 - 10:41 PM

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View Post_Cletus, on 23 May 2019 - 01:27 PM, said:

It takes a special breed of man to maintain a redhead.  One has to be firm, patient, consistent, resilient, and have eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, you have to have qualities that countermand their psycho-ness.  

 

:hiding:

 

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acrisis #15 Posted 23 May 2019 - 10:47 PM

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Regardless of the hair color; the whole thing is a complete no-brainer.

 

It is a work event

=> never ever ever drink too much

=> don’t say stuff that could hurt her professionally

=> don’t say stuff that makes you look like an idiot and reflects poorly on her

=> don’t drink enough to the point you don’t remember or can’t comply with 1-2-3

 

If you need pointers. Stay hydrated more than others surrounding you. Have wine & water in 1:1 ratio. Every time you get a glass of wine, get that water refilled, ... 

 

And, btw it can be fun to be the most sober one at a function, though it blows if you have to be 100% non-alco, so you end up drinking a bunch of cola and remain awake and over caffeinated through the ENTIRE late night and early morning hours.  

 

 


 

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4sfield #16 Posted 24 May 2019 - 01:51 AM

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View Post_Cletus, on 23 May 2019 - 01:27 PM, said:

It takes a special breed of man to maintain a redhead.  One has to be firm, patient, consistent, resilient, and have eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, you have to have qualities that countermand their psycho-ness.  

 

  The one I had was a bad seed.

 

  She was tanned and not freckled so she thought she was it. Redhead with no freckles, pretty and knew she was, I can’t stand women like that anymore. 

 

  I just want a straight up 8 on a 1-10 that cleans up to a 9. Somebody that can hold a decent conversation and isn’t hung up on personal [edited]. 

 

  I’d even take a fat woman if she could cook, keep house decently, and do the deed every day when I got home. What else do you need? No drama and she’s happy to be your slave, it sucks when you’re this good looking.


 

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_Cletus #17 Posted 24 May 2019 - 12:25 PM

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So it was at a pretty fancy place [Jahawa, it was Sam's Boat in Cypress].  I got my free drink wristband, pony up to the bar, and ask for their finest scotch.  The bartender says "Sure, but there's a $6 limit on free drinks."  I was all excited about drinking nice stuff all night, instead of Glenlivet I ended up drinking Clan McGregor, the only true scotch under $6.  So that was disappointing.  But it was still free booze, and I'm still Cletus, so I still drank plenty.  Towards the end of the night a younger couple wanted to do tequila shots, which was just what I needed to kick me over from a good buzz to holy sheet I'm gonna be hungover.

 

I'm hungover.

 

The redhead was happy though.  I guess I made it through the night without any major gaffes.  Now I gotta make it through the morning...


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acrisis #18 Posted 24 May 2019 - 04:26 PM

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So, you skimped on the hydration part ;)

 


 

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_Cletus #19 Posted 24 May 2019 - 05:02 PM

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View Postacrisis, on 24 May 2019 - 10:26 AM, said:

So, you skimped on the hydration part ;)

 

 

I chugged a couple of glasses before I went to bed.  But I could drink an ocean and it wouldn't be enough to stop the tequila shot hangover.

 

It's tougher now than when I was young, but I'm still pretty good at this drinking thing.  I was worried about being out of practice, now that I'm old I'll sometimes decide to drink and I'll usually pass out after only one or two [at home].  But I felt good last night, if we didn't have work/parent responsibility I could have kept going for a while longer.  You have to understand that my wife and I were party animals when we were in our 20's and early 30's.  We had lots of fun, and probably made plenty of bad decisions [like I said, fun] but we managed to not screw anything up too bad for when we started making babies [she had our oldest, who is really my stepdaughter, when she was 18 and had a practice husband] and had to finally grow up.  And it's been more than a year since we've managed to have a date night to ourselves, and our little kids stayed at our big kid's apartment last night, so as long as we aren't embarrassing ourselves to her employer we viewed last night as a chance to let loose and do our thing.  In other words, some hangovers are just worth it.


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4sfield #20 Posted 24 May 2019 - 05:33 PM

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View Post_Cletus, on 24 May 2019 - 12:02 PM, said:

 

I chugged a couple of glasses before I went to bed.  But I could drink an ocean and it wouldn't be enough to stop the tequila shot hangover.

 

It's tougher now than when I was young, but I'm still pretty good at this drinking thing.  I was worried about being out of practice, now that I'm old I'll sometimes decide to drink and I'll usually pass out after only one or two [at home].  But I felt good last night, if we didn't have work/parent responsibility I could have kept going for a while longer.  You have to understand that my wife and I were party animals when we were in our 20's and early 30's.  We had lots of fun, and probably made plenty of bad decisions [like I said, fun] but we managed to not screw anything up too bad for when we started making babies [she had our oldest, who is really my stepdaughter, when she was 18 and had a practice husband] and had to finally grow up.  And it's been more than a year since we've managed to have a date night to ourselves, and our little kids stayed at our big kid's apartment last night, so as long as we aren't embarrassing ourselves to her employer we viewed last night as a chance to let loose and do our thing.  In other words, some hangovers are just worth it.

 

  Hangovers suck proportionately as you age. If I get on a good one I don’t feel right for 2 days unless...

 

  you do something physical the next day after chugging a gallon of water. Then it just sucks until you start sweating, once the sweating starts keep going till the shakes go away. Once you lose the shakes the hangover is done. Celebrate by having a drink. 


 

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