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___ez_e___ Life Tips & Lessons


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___ez_e___ #1 Posted 02 July 2019 - 11:53 AM

    First Sergeant

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Hey guys!

 

I decided to start a thread about life tips and lessons!

 

I’m going to provide you tips to make your life better and easier as well as lessons I’ve learned in life.  

 

Most of this is serious, but of course I don’t take myself that seriously so there will definitely be funny and light hearted stuff.   

 

Whether you choose to read is up to you.  

 

 

TIP - Get bidets!

 

Thats right!   Every bathroom in my home has a bidet.  The sooner you get the bidet, the sooner you will thank me.    Actually your posterior will thank me.   It’s a great investment.   

 

The bidets of today are high tech.  The bidets I own have variable heated seat, water pressure, dryer, deodorizer, and night light.  Plus you can customize it for users.   Mine also has a remote and soft close lid.    

 

I’ve had bidets for about 10 years and I’m never going back.  In fact, I hate using restroom that don’t have them.  If I could, I would have a bidet installed at work.  


Edited by ___ez_e___, 02 July 2019 - 02:35 PM.


RonaldusMaximus_ #2 Posted 02 July 2019 - 12:48 PM

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The  TP lobby (Big TP) has successfully campaigned against this idea for almost a century. I suppose you can order them on Amazon, but you will never find one in Home Depot.  I suppose if I ever get hemorrhoids Ill consider one, But there's something about Cottonell that makes me feel dry and properly cleaned down there.

_Cletus, on 02 July 2019 - 01:55 PM, said:

 

Step 1:  Don't open your mouth in an alley.


_Cletus #3 Posted 02 July 2019 - 02:25 PM

    Voodoo Wizard

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I agree with the bidet.  I've only ever used one once, in France, but it was heavenly.  I don't have any bidet's at home but I do have a waterhose, so.......

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cheesehead247365 #4 Posted 02 July 2019 - 04:10 PM

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what a great post.  +1 

4sfield #5 Posted 02 July 2019 - 06:25 PM

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  Sprinkling water on my bunghole after squat purging a bologna sandwich is not my idea of heaven. But then, I’ve made due with a handful of leaves and come home from working the field missing a shirt sleeve or sock. I never once sat there thinking, “Damn, if only I had some water, a blow dryer and some powder to clean this s-hole with, I’d never have to go back to the house”. 

 

 


 

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___ez_e___ #6 Posted 02 July 2019 - 06:54 PM

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When I have to wipe I get that “not so fresh feeling”, but with bidet I’m clean as a whistle.   

 

Think about it.  

 

Either smear feces away by wiping (not really clean and sometimes itchy- btw not from personal experience) or wash it a way with water.  

 

We know some of y’all is nasty.     Lol


Edited by ___ez_e___, 02 July 2019 - 06:54 PM.


_Cletus #7 Posted 02 July 2019 - 07:30 PM

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View Post___ez_e___, on 02 July 2019 - 12:54 PM, said:

When I have to wipe I get that “not so fresh feeling”, but with bidet I’m clean as a whistle.   

 

Think about it.  

 

Either smear feces away by wiping (not really clean and sometimes itchy- btw not from personal experience) or wash it a way with water.  

 

We know some of y’all is nasty.     Lol

 Option 3:  Use your hands.  Back in my oilfield days I worked with some guys who just used their hands.  It's a cultural thing, I think from parts of the middle east or africa, I don't remember exactly where they were from anymore.  It's been many years so I may have this backward, but they would only use their right hand for anything because they would only wipe with their left.  I worked with a lot of dudes from all over the world and I always tried to respect people's culture and what not, but I would not allow these particular dudes to touch me at all, with either hand.

 

Don't knock a bidet until you've tried it.  It's so much better.


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4sfield #8 Posted 02 July 2019 - 07:44 PM

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  You bidet guys are soft. No wonder men have less testosterone than they used to, bunch of sissies. You might as well go ahead and do the transition surgery, y’all aren’t far from needing tampons anyway.

 

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___ez_e___ #9 Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:24 PM

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TIP - Get a bedjet 

 

What is it?   Automated climate control for when you sleep.   

 

Why do we need it?   Getting proper comfortable uninterrupted rem sleep is important for overall health.

 

It keeps temperature level (hot and cold) and keeps the sweaty bed away.   

 

For the married guys, this may save some of y’all marriages.  

 

Are you tired of wifey freezing while your still hot?    Bedjet is your answer. 

 

I just recently upgraded to the Bedjet 3.  

 

Sleep in peace. 

 


Edited by ___ez_e___, 08 July 2019 - 03:25 PM.


___ez_e___ #10 Posted Yesterday, 07:29 PM

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Have that perfect green manicured lawn?

 

Let me tell you how vanity is literally killing us.  
 

A couple of years ago I embarked on raising organic chickens (so much fun and work).  In order to do so, I had already stopped using chemical fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides.    
 

My wife commented how our lawn was a different more natural green.  We also realize that wild birds obviously can see the color difference and birds purposely come to my lawn.  My soil is full of bugs and the wild birds love coming to my lawn.   
 

Now take a look at the perfect manicure lawn.   Artificial green with all plant life dead except for grass.  If you take a look at the soil, there is little to no bug activity.   
 

This is not normal.  
 

We only have these lawns as a hold over from Victorian times when maintaining a great lawn to the estate was a symbol of wealth.  
 

 

The chemicals we use is just to much a toxic mix that is harmful to your family, your pets, the environment, and you. 
 

I only use natural stuff for my lawn.   Yes it’s full of weeds, but those are the natural plant life.  Keeping it trimmed and it looks fine.   
 

I really am not feeling it, when I get the card in the mail telling me my neighbor is going to get chemicals sprayed on their lawn.   


Edited by ___ez_e___, Yesterday, 07:35 PM.


Blartch #11 Posted Today, 12:47 AM

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If someone has a pistol pointed directly against your head, you can disarm them by:

1) initially holding your hands above your head, as though showing "I'm disarmed"

2) swiftly dropping your head down while...

3) rapidly clamping both hands around the firearm

4) stand and push the firearm up and backwards, while twisting the muzzle up and back (as though towards the attacker).  This creates a level of torsion in the attackers hand that is difficult to overcome, and can actually break his fingers if done swiftly enough

5) once the muzzle is pointed away from you, yank the firearm back (from fully extended arms to something similar to cradling a football) to wrest it from the attacker's grasp

6) if feeling saucy, clear and brandish the weapon at the former aggressor

7) complete the maneuver with a totally awesome one-liner of your choosing



Blartch #12 Posted Today, 02:17 AM

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To properly scruff a mouse (or other small rodent), grasp the mouse by its tail with your thumb and index finger, and lift slightly, allowing its front paws to grasp an object.  At this point, grip the base of its tail between your pinky finger and pad of your palm.  Release the tail in your tumb and forefinger, and rotate them towards the scruff of the rodent's neck, pressing down slightly as you fix your grasp to reduce the likelihood of being bitten.  You may then deliver injections, clip teeth, or mark ears as necessary for your procedure of choice.




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