Jump to content


Do you Blitz while pooping?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

_Cletus #1 Posted 22 July 2019 - 07:14 PM

    Voodoo Wizard

  • Players
  • 23431 battles
  • 3,350
  • [HAHA]
  • Member since:
    04-03-2016

I thought this article might be relevant to some of you.

 

 

1
Don't Use Your Phone While Pooping

Bringing a phone into the bathroom is a gross, terrible idea. Aside from the obvious threat of getting atomized feces all over your touchscreen -- we're just going to leave you with the words "toilet plume" -- spending time scrolling and doing your business and then scrolling some more, instead of just "doing your business" and promptly exiting, can wreak total havoc on your butthole, your colon, and all points in between.

 Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

The longer you sit on the pooper, the more likely you are to wreck your rectum, as the human body has evolved to do this business as quickly as possible. So if you're just, like, hanging out on the toilet instead, you're putting unnecessary pressure on your rectum and, conversely, over-relaxing your anus, the combination of which is a recipe for hemorrhoids (the clean medical term for bulging blood vessels around your a*****e).

Sitting around and not pooping is also a good way to keep yourself not pooping, for, like, a while. Let's say, for example, that you feel the need to poop, but, once you get there, you pull up Twitter and get distracted by videos of celebrities kicking caps off bottles. You might at that point experience something called reverse peristalsis, wherein your dookie is pulled back up into your colon.

Since "up" is not the normal direction for poop to go, your colon accomplishes this not by its usual rhythmic contracting, but instead by sucking water out of your stool, like the world's grossest wet-vac. Your poop has now become hard, both literally and figuratively, which will often result in both a prolonged bout of constipation and you one-day-shipping the biggest tub of Miralax you can find on Amazon.

Oh, and then there's the threat of nerve and hip pain too. It's similar to "fat wallet syndrome," because guess where your toilet seat presses against your [edited]? So in short, don't bring your phone in with you when you poop. Unless you're reading this article, that is. Then have at it.

 

Source:

https://www.cracked.com/blog/5-innocent-everyday-habits-that-are-screwing-up-your-health/


https://www.blitzstars.com/api/sigs/com/1019725659.png   Avatar by crpl_hicks

 

Conan, what is best in lifeTo crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.


zeur0sis #2 Posted 22 July 2019 - 07:30 PM

    First Sergeant

  • Players
  • 27895 battles
  • 1,486
  • [TITAN]
  • Member since:
    09-17-2016
It sounds like this has been an ongoing/serious issue with you.   I thought you’d have more of a problem staring at yourself in the mirror while playing blitz.  :teethhappy:

 

"Mm sucks just like u r face.    Now Go cry on tissue not here." ~ raj

 


_Cletus #3 Posted 22 July 2019 - 07:40 PM

    Voodoo Wizard

  • Players
  • 23431 battles
  • 3,350
  • [HAHA]
  • Member since:
    04-03-2016

View Postzeur0sis, on 22 July 2019 - 01:30 PM, said:

It sounds like this has been an ongoing/serious issue with you.   I thought you’d have more of a problem staring at yourself in the mirror while playing blitz.  :teethhappy:

 

I'm concerned with both ends.  While it's been acknowledged that I take good looking to a whole nother level, a lot of you don't realize that I've also got a sweet can, so I gotta take care of it.


https://www.blitzstars.com/api/sigs/com/1019725659.png   Avatar by crpl_hicks

 

Conan, what is best in lifeTo crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.


4sfield #4 Posted 22 July 2019 - 07:47 PM

    Space Lord

  • Players
  • 33055 battles
  • 5,238
  • [-1]
  • Member since:
    07-08-2014
  You’re always talkin [edited]

 

Snowflakes - 1, Good Guys - 0

 

FREE _stealy!!!


_Cletus #5 Posted 22 July 2019 - 08:18 PM

    Voodoo Wizard

  • Players
  • 23431 battles
  • 3,350
  • [HAHA]
  • Member since:
    04-03-2016

View Post4sfield, on 22 July 2019 - 01:47 PM, said:

  You’re always talkin [edited]

 

HA!   :medal:


https://www.blitzstars.com/api/sigs/com/1019725659.png   Avatar by crpl_hicks

 

Conan, what is best in lifeTo crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.


wrecker1968 #6 Posted 22 July 2019 - 10:54 PM

    Senior Sergeant

  • Players
  • 42364 battles
  • 852
  • [HOUSE]
  • Member since:
    04-13-2016

Sniff........Sniff.           yuck.               Courtesy flush please              :sceptic:



Holy_Outlaw #7 Posted 23 July 2019 - 12:42 AM

    Senior Sergeant

  • Players
  • 29247 battles
  • 638
  • [501DV]
  • Member since:
    12-20-2015
The guy who wrote this article lost all credibility with me when he used the word " dookie". Otherwise likely some pretty good points to ponder. When our history is eventually studied, and people look to Oprah's greatest achievement to civilization, one thing will stand out. She had that one episode where they tested the shopping cart handles/grips at grocery stores. They found a shocking amount of fecal bacteria of all kinds out of control. Now at Wal-Marts and other stores they have anti-bacterial wipes to clean the cart handles before use. Oprah started this revolution in shopping. 

_ArmoredGlassCannon #8 Posted 23 July 2019 - 01:44 AM

    Player with an oxymoron username in NA server

  • Players
  • 19264 battles
  • 1,663
  • [BU2AX]
  • Member since:
    12-17-2015
I dont play blitz while sh—ting at all while using toilet.

"Give an anime fan any object, and they will find a way to want to stick their ***k in it" — Gigguk

 

"IDF super op military uses ancient M103 and makes them bullet proof with sand bags. F****ing op military moments." — mike82198

 


4sfield #9 Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:08 AM

    Space Lord

  • Players
  • 33055 battles
  • 5,238
  • [-1]
  • Member since:
    07-08-2014

  Fecally speaking (which means I’m talking [edited]) this thread is worthless.

 

  There is worse [edited] going on in game.


 

Snowflakes - 1, Good Guys - 0

 

FREE _stealy!!!


Hyoonn #10 Posted 23 July 2019 - 10:52 AM

    Sergeant

  • Players
  • 17010 battles
  • 413
  • [RGN]
  • Member since:
    09-30-2014
this thread is cursed

_Cletus #11 Posted 23 July 2019 - 01:40 PM

    Voodoo Wizard

  • Players
  • 23431 battles
  • 3,350
  • [HAHA]
  • Member since:
    04-03-2016

View PostHoly_Outlaw, on 22 July 2019 - 06:42 PM, said:

The guy who wrote this article lost all credibility with me when he used the word " dookie". Otherwise likely some pretty good points to ponder. When our history is eventually studied, and people look to Oprah's greatest achievement to civilization, one thing will stand out. She had that one episode where they tested the shopping cart handles/grips at grocery stores. They found a shocking amount of fecal bacteria of all kinds out of control. Now at Wal-Marts and other stores they have anti-bacterial wipes to clean the cart handles before use. Oprah started this revolution in shopping. 

 

I'm gonna have to disagree with you there.  Not about Oprah, she has saved all of our lives, that's why the universe rewarded her with vast wealth and power.  No, I disagree with you disagreeing with the word dookie.  I have kids.  We often use the word "poop" instead of a proper term like "excrement" because we're horrible parents.  But poop sounds almost infantile.  I think "dookie" strikes the perfect balance between social acceptability, toddler usability, and fun-to-say-ility. 


https://www.blitzstars.com/api/sigs/com/1019725659.png   Avatar by crpl_hicks

 

Conan, what is best in lifeTo crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users