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Ultimate stat guide


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ShadowReaper1151 #1 Posted 29 December 2016 - 04:19 PM

    Sergeant

  • Players
  • 11215 battles
  • 270
  • [2S3XY]
  • Member since:
    07-12-2016

This is a satire! If you are offended you reading to deeply. If you feel uncomfortable at any point:STOP READING. You have the choice. If you have the slightest notion that you will be offended or hurt, SKIP THIS POST!!!! THIS POST IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WITH HUMOR!

 

 

This is the ultimate stat guide. You don't need 20,000 games to know how to get those stats. You only need to be clever. This is linked to my learning account. I don't want to compromise my street cred by losing my anonymity on my face account.  Learning account is for learning and mastering tanks, face account is what you want people to see. This is light hearted yet extremely effective. Let's start.

     

Your gonna need lots of cash. Earning is way too risky! Your going to need premium tanks, premium time, and premium ammo x2. It doesn't sound like much? A premium tank package can be over $80! And you need 2, one for each account! STATS AREN'T CHEAP! 

 

Where to get that chicken? You may need to quit your job to commit to this. Mortgage your house. Max out those cards! Sell your boat, rv, jewelry, and any other luxury items. Marry a sucker! Find that woman that will slave at work for you while you make them stats! Mom and dad are untapped gold! Unable to aquire/use these resources? Move in! Why spend money on food and shelter? Mom and dad will provide! Give em a sob sorry, and cry a lot. If these are unavailable, learn to panhandle. I will put a link to my panhandling guide at the end.

 

Down to brass tacks. Make two account linked to different emails. Don't make a similar username on each account, like: bob1 then bob2. You need to fool everyone! Make them opposites! Use cat for one and dog for the other. Sky,ground. Black, white. Reverse numbers, 123, 321. Got it? Good! Use your a account for learning and mastering tanks. Key word mastering! Don't you dare play that tank on account b (face account) until late you get at least a 50%+ win ratio. When you buy  hit account but and add premium ammo, you'll easily hit 55-60%. Maybe more! 

 

Don't ruin that win rate! Got a 100% win rate after 2 games? Stop!!!!! Buy the upgrades and skip to the next tank. Experience? Buy now! You can purchase experience right now! It will end so strike while the irons hot! Buy 100,000,000 at least! It's to darn risky to earn that experience. Buy more than that if you can! These are stats we're talking! They're priceless! Now you can skip those pesky tanks that take too much time to master!

 

Research! Certain tanks bring out a better average win rate. These are the tanks you use! Especially premium and rare tanks. You may need to do some pregaming to aquire these. Blitz fair! This is your best opportunity to buy the tanks you need! Remember earning is for suckers! Again, repeat, STATS AREN'T CHEAP! STATS ARE BOUGHT NOT EARNED! Get the tanks you need with those crazy ratios. Don't stop until you get them! This is why you mortgaged your family's home.

 

Get a controller for your phone or tablet! Get a tech geek to customize a controller for your Device! Don't be afraid to ask about what he can do to help! STATS ARE EVERYTHING! Do what you need to do! This is the time to let go of your moral compass! God knows you don't want that pesky thing ruining your dream. Can't do it? Let me tell you a little story: When I was a kid, I wanted a bicycle more than anything else.  I prayed to God 10x a day. I realized god doesn't work that way. So, I stole the bike and prayed for forgiveness.  God helps those that help themselves. So, help yourself and ask!

 

Read! There is plenty of good knowledge out there that you will need. It's sad that we can't buy knowledge on this game. This is painful to say! (cringe) Sometimes you have to work for it. (vomit) Play dumb. With all those bad stats on a account, people will begin to help you! Throw that moral compass out the window and squeeze them for all their worth! Again research those tank stats and ratios! There is no bigger bummer than a 30% win ratio because you played a difficult tank to master! 

 

In game techniques: play the team, not the game! Low on the tier?  Don't contribute! Those upper tiers will kill you! Let the other guys win this one. You don't want to ruin that survival stat to crash. Why die for 200 in damage? Ditch the moral compass! At the beginning of each game, play dead, or confused. Simulate lag, and don't forget to state it. You may need there help! Top tier in the battle? Same thing. Let everyone else go first then tail. This is the time to get that damage up! On first contact find the best place to snipe from, or peekaboo from a discrete location! Don't scratch that camouflage until you need to. Remember:STATS! Everyone is dead! Attack! You have full health and a premium tank and premium ammo. You got that damage up sniping, now get the tanks destroyed stat up. Your team died and left you 1-3 tanks with low health. They served their purpose. Clean up. The chances of dying are low, and you have the chance to get 2 easy kills. If your good, or lucky (mostly lucky) you took out a tank while hiding. That's 3 kills! Your team gave these to you the ungrateful bast Ardsley. After all you carried the team! Your stats say so. Stats dont lie! They're the only thing that matters when judging a player! Developed tunnel vision! Don't let people put the idea that this style of gaming is shady! Developed a less painful line of thinking! Can't shake the feeling of dishonesty? Focus only what you want to See! Say things like: I carried the team! Look at my stats, they show I'm a good player with infallibility!     Don't let it get you down! You did what you had to do to look good on paper.

 

You should have bought your way to teir x by now. Get those damage stats up!  You can get far more damage in this tier! Don't stay to long! This is a tough tier to compete!  Some of these players are GOOD! Don't risk your stats! Be smart and hover on tiers 5,6,7. You don't need to be on a playing field that may be equal, or worse, challenging! They've been playing this tier for a long time! They won't fall for parlor tricks! 5,6,7 are the best combination of seal clubbing and damage earned. Tier 4 too little damage, tier 8+ to much risk to your win ratio! Move down to 5 for win ratio, up to 7 for damage.

 

Feel free too add to these techniques. You have everything you need to be a good stat player! You have account a and b so no one sees your mistakes and learning curve! They only see your best! You have premium tanks, premium ammo, premium ammo, and you bought enough experience to research the m1 a2 Abraham's! You know how to manipulate statistic in your favor! You carry the team! Your stats scream; I'm not a noob! I'm not an oogle! I'm right, look at my stats!

 

Epilogue:

Nows the time to repair your credit and pay back the morgage. It's not fun charging your phone in the plug by the soda machines at Walmart. Mom and dad want you out of the basement. Your wife left you. They're going to foreclose  on your home. BUT YOU GOT DEMOCRATS STATS!

 

Writers note: some of these techniques do work and are used. I don't condone this type of play in anyway! If you choose to use this information for game play that's on you. Leave this here. Don't bring it to the game please. Sincerely Lawny99

 

 



awesomeplayer9690 #2 Posted 29 December 2016 - 04:39 PM

    First Sergeant

  • Players
  • 18982 battles
  • 2,672
  • [WG]
  • Member since:
    12-25-2014
Day 41: They still haven't noticed me stealing French fries from the back

 

"The greatest gift is time. Giving time is giving away part of your life that you'll never get back." - Anonymous

 "Can't get ammo-racked if I bring no ammo"

[HOW TO] Stat Signature |


7sfokkens #3 Posted 29 December 2016 - 05:12 PM

    Lance-corporal

  • Players
  • 4665 battles
  • 32
  • [JPNSS]
  • Member since:
    05-31-2015

Someone wasted an hour of their life writing this...

:)



_stealy #4 Posted 29 December 2016 - 05:13 PM

    Loyal M60 Owner

  • Players
  • 40347 battles
  • 3,204
  • [FLOOP]
  • Member since:
    01-28-2015

Hmm... if you hide all game, how can you get that average damage up? What about average spots? Those are weighted into your stats as well. You need a guide on farming damage...

 

How about damage ratio? Even if you survived, you didn't do enough damage by letting top tier do the work. But again... how can you survive the battle when your whole team is dead because you didn't contribute? 

 

So many questions! 

 

Lastly, stats cannot be bought. There are a lot of players with 30 premium tanks and a 40% winrate. Looks like money didn't buy them good stats, did it? Clueless bad players will be clueless and bad no matter what tank or ammo they use.

 



ShadowReaper1151 #5 Posted 29 December 2016 - 06:00 PM

    Sergeant

  • Players
  • 11215 battles
  • 270
  • [2S3XY]
  • Member since:
    07-12-2016

View PostStealiestOfThemAll, on 29 December 2016 - 05:13 PM, said:

Hmm... if you hide all game, how can you get that average damage up? What about average spots? Those are weighted into your stats as well. You need a guide on farming damage...

 

How about damage ratio? Even if you survived, you didn't do enough damage by letting top tier do the work. But again... how can you survive the battle when your whole team is dead because you didn't contribute? 

 

So many questions! 

 

Lastly, stats cannot be bought. There are a lot of players with 30 premium tanks and a 40% winrate. Looks like money didn't buy them good stats, did it? Clueless bad players will be clueless and bad no matter what tank or ammo they use.

 

Reread and see. All the information is there if you want to see it. I will not justify your post with anymore defense.  This post is take it, leave it, or enjoy it. This isn't a debate. These are things I have found on posts relating to how to improve your stats with modifications to that search. Don't like what I found do some research to find the answer that you want to hear. This is my last reply to this post. Satires don't need defence. They are what they are. Write butt hurt comments below.



ShadowReaper1151 #6 Posted 29 December 2016 - 06:02 PM

    Sergeant

  • Players
  • 11215 battles
  • 270
  • [2S3XY]
  • Member since:
    07-12-2016

View Post7sfokkens, on 29 December 2016 - 05:12 PM, said:

Someone wasted an hour of their life writing this...

:)

 

psychology you too.

username_null #7 Posted 30 December 2016 - 02:25 AM

    Lance-corporal

  • Players
  • 3943 battles
  • 74
  • [STR8R]
  • Member since:
    11-16-2016
lol ur salty af

Bocaj78 #8 Posted 19 January 2017 - 09:00 PM

    Lance-corporal

  • Players
  • 8520 battles
  • 79
  • [T1GER]
  • Member since:
    01-19-2015
OK will do See you all when I have 99% win rate at 1,000,000 battles.:)

Give us the T-34 Mickey Mouse!

"The problem with kids these days is that they don't drink out of the skulls of their enemies." - Mr_Zoo


dayton07277 #9 Posted 19 January 2017 - 09:07 PM

    (SMH)

  • Players
  • 11431 battles
  • 3,229
  • [CROWN]
  • Member since:
    09-13-2015

View Postlawny99, on 29 December 2016 - 08:19 AM, said:

This is a satire! If you are offended you reading to deeply. If you feel uncomfortable at any point:STOP READING. You have the choice. If you have the slightest notion that you will be offended or hurt, SKIP THIS POST!!!! THIS POST IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WITH HUMOR!

 

 

This is the ultimate stat guide. You don't need 20,000 games to know how to get those stats. You only need to be clever. This is linked to my learning account. I don't want to compromise my street cred by losing my anonymity on my face account.  Learning account is for learning and mastering tanks, face account is what you want people to see. This is light hearted yet extremely effective. Let's start.

     

Your gonna need lots of cash. Earning is way too risky! Your going to need premium tanks, premium time, and premium ammo x2. It doesn't sound like much? A premium tank package can be over $80! And you need 2, one for each account! STATS AREN'T CHEAP! 

 

Where to get that chicken? You may need to quit your job to commit to this. Mortgage your house. Max out those cards! Sell your boat, rv, jewelry, and any other luxury items. Marry a sucker! Find that woman that will slave at work for you while you make them stats! Mom and dad are untapped gold! Unable to aquire/use these resources? Move in! Why spend money on food and shelter? Mom and dad will provide! Give em a sob sorry, and cry a lot. If these are unavailable, learn to panhandle. I will put a link to my panhandling guide at the end.

 

Down to brass tacks. Make two account linked to different emails. Don't make a similar username on each account, like: bob1 then bob2. You need to fool everyone! Make them opposites! Use cat for one and dog for the other. Sky,ground. Black, white. Reverse numbers, 123, 321. Got it? Good! Use your a account for learning and mastering tanks. Key word mastering! Don't you dare play that tank on account b (face account) until late you get at least a 50%+ win ratio. When you buy  hit account but and add premium ammo, you'll easily hit 55-60%. Maybe more! 

 

Don't ruin that win rate! Got a 100% win rate after 2 games? Stop!!!!! Buy the upgrades and skip to the next tank. Experience? Buy now! You can purchase experience right now! It will end so strike while the irons hot! Buy 100,000,000 at least! It's to darn risky to earn that experience. Buy more than that if you can! These are stats we're talking! They're priceless! Now you can skip those pesky tanks that take too much time to master!

 

Research! Certain tanks bring out a better average win rate. These are the tanks you use! Especially premium and rare tanks. You may need to do some pregaming to aquire these. Blitz fair! This is your best opportunity to buy the tanks you need! Remember earning is for suckers! Again, repeat, STATS AREN'T CHEAP! STATS ARE BOUGHT NOT EARNED! Get the tanks you need with those crazy ratios. Don't stop until you get them! This is why you mortgaged your family's home.

 

Get a controller for your phone or tablet! Get a tech geek to customize a controller for your Device! Don't be afraid to ask about what he can do to help! STATS ARE EVERYTHING! Do what you need to do! This is the time to let go of your moral compass! God knows you don't want that pesky thing ruining your dream. Can't do it? Let me tell you a little story: When I was a kid, I wanted a bicycle more than anything else.  I prayed to God 10x a day. I realized god doesn't work that way. So, I stole the bike and prayed for forgiveness.  God helps those that help themselves. So, help yourself and ask!

 

Read! There is plenty of good knowledge out there that you will need. It's sad that we can't buy knowledge on this game. This is painful to say! (cringe) Sometimes you have to work for it. (vomit) Play dumb. With all those bad stats on a account, people will begin to help you! Throw that moral compass out the window and squeeze them for all their worth! Again research those tank stats and ratios! There is no bigger bummer than a 30% win ratio because you played a difficult tank to master! 

 

In game techniques: play the team, not the game! Low on the tier?  Don't contribute! Those upper tiers will kill you! Let the other guys win this one. You don't want to ruin that survival stat to crash. Why die for 200 in damage? Ditch the moral compass! At the beginning of each game, play dead, or confused. Simulate lag, and don't forget to state it. You may need there help! Top tier in the battle? Same thing. Let everyone else go first then tail. This is the time to get that damage up! On first contact find the best place to snipe from, or peekaboo from a discrete location! Don't scratch that camouflage until you need to. Remember:STATS! Everyone is dead! Attack! You have full health and a premium tank and premium ammo. You got that damage up sniping, now get the tanks destroyed stat up. Your team died and left you 1-3 tanks with low health. They served their purpose. Clean up. The chances of dying are low, and you have the chance to get 2 easy kills. If your good, or lucky (mostly lucky) you took out a tank while hiding. That's 3 kills! Your team gave these to you the ungrateful bast Ardsley. After all you carried the team! Your stats say so. Stats dont lie! They're the only thing that matters when judging a player! Developed tunnel vision! Don't let people put the idea that this style of gaming is shady! Developed a less painful line of thinking! Can't shake the feeling of dishonesty? Focus only what you want to See! Say things like: I carried the team! Look at my stats, they show I'm a good player with infallibility!     Don't let it get you down! You did what you had to do to look good on paper.

 

You should have bought your way to teir x by now. Get those damage stats up!  You can get far more damage in this tier! Don't stay to long! This is a tough tier to compete!  Some of these players are GOOD! Don't risk your stats! Be smart and hover on tiers 5,6,7. You don't need to be on a playing field that may be equal, or worse, challenging! They've been playing this tier for a long time! They won't fall for parlor tricks! 5,6,7 are the best combination of seal clubbing and damage earned. Tier 4 too little damage, tier 8+ to much risk to your win ratio! Move down to 5 for win ratio, up to 7 for damage.

 

Feel free too add to these techniques. You have everything you need to be a good stat player! You have account a and b so no one sees your mistakes and learning curve! They only see your best! You have premium tanks, premium ammo, premium ammo, and you bought enough experience to research the m1 a2 Abraham's! You know how to manipulate statistic in your favor! You carry the team! Your stats scream; I'm not a noob! I'm not an oogle! I'm right, look at my stats!

 

Epilogue:

Nows the time to repair your credit and pay back the morgage. It's not fun charging your phone in the plug by the soda machines at Walmart. Mom and dad want you out of the basement. Your wife left you. They're going to foreclose  on your home. BUT YOU GOT DEMOCRATS STATS!

 

Writers note: some of these techniques do work and are used. I don't condone this type of play in anyway! If you choose to use this information for game play that's on you. Leave this here. Don't bring it to the game please. Sincerely Lawny99

 

 

+1 good satire!






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